Carly’s Blog April 12, 2008

WEIRDOS in Our Neighborhood!

Hi, it’s me, Carly!  (Ya know, from our show, iCarly?)  Sooo… if you watch our last web show, you know that we showed some of the crazy people (um, WEIRDOS!) in our neighborhood. First we showed you Crazy Fruit Dude — the guy who eats the banana PEEL and NOT the banana (WHY?!?!?!). Then we showed you the Green-Haired Old Lady sucking on a pacifier (SCARY!!!). But we didn’t have enough time to tell you about all the other CRAZY people in our neighborhood. So here they are!

OTHER CRAZY PEOPLE (WEIRDOS!) IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD

(1) Dude Who Wears His Underwear OVER His Clothes
(2) Grandma Who Walks Around Shouting, “I’ve been dead for nine years!”
(3) Man Who Speaks in a Different Accent Every Day (Wednesday it was Japanese. Thursday it was Australian.)
(4) Identical Teen Girls Who Always Scream At Each Other: “I’m the pretty one!!!”
(5) Chinese Delivery Man Who Only Speaks French (We have no explanation!)
(6) Garbage Man Who Wears Small Swim Suit (only) To Work Every Day
(7) Little Boy Who Picks The Noses of the Elderly
(8) Canadian Lady Who Swears That Crunchy Peanut Butter Is Evil
(9) Hobo Who Looks Exactly Like Ryan Seacrest (Gibby always hugs him!)
(10) Bald Guy Who Stands In Hot Sun And Lets Cheese Melt On His Head (usually cheddar)
(11) Fruit Salesman Who Sniffs His Own Fruit

Freddie’s Blog April 12, 2008

Why I DON’T Like Gym Class!

Before I begin this blog, I’d like to ask you all to please only call me “FREDDIE” — not my full name which happens to be “Fredward.” Sam found out my my full name is Fredward and she keeps calling me that, even though she knows I hate it. I told her to quit it. Her response was to knock me down and chew off the tip off my big toenail against my will. Anyway, on with my blog…
 
I agree that exercise is very important. BUT I DON’T LIKE GYM AT SCHOOL!!! Here are my reasons why:
 
Climbing The Rope:
Sam can climb the rope. I can’t. The last time I tried, I almost made it to the top, but Sam threw a grapefruit at me which hit my neck. Hard. I lost my grip on the rope and slid down until I fell off and hit my head on a metal bench. This was not fun at all. Besides, why should I learn to climb a rope? When in real life does a guy need to climb a rope?!
 
Wrestling:
Our gym teacher pairs me up with Duke who’s an ANIMAL and weighs like 25 pounds more than me.  He always pins me down and won’t let me up until I say, “Duke is my master.” Then, sometimes he still won’t let me up. I don’t like spending my valuable time under Duke. I agree with Abraham Lincoln who once said, “Wrestling is for sad, stupid people with small brains and poor social skills.” Here’s a pic of Duke:

The Showers:
OK, sorry, but I don’t like taking showers at school. School is a place of LEARNING, not SHOWERING, right? I feel that showering is a home activity. Besides, Gibby goes to Ridgeway and I don’t want to shower where he’s been — because he has some kind of weird fungus on the bottom of his feet that NO DOCTORS can identify. Gibby got the fungus while walking barefoot in Detroit (Michigan). I’ve seen the bottoms of Gibby’s feet and they look like old pizza or something. So, I don’t wanna be walking barefoot where he’s just been walking barefoot.  Besides, I just feel like being alone when I shampoo myself. Don’t you?
 
Miss Briggs:
Our usual Coach is absent a lot because he has an artificial foot and he’s always having to go to this clinic to have it lubed and adjusted. Well, whenever he’s absent, MISS BRIGGS takes over for him. She makes gym 10 times worse! She makes us do jumping jacks while she plays the BAGPIPES. I hate that. Why can’t they make mechanical feet that need less maintenance?
 
Running The Mile:
That is too far to run. The only reason a person ever needs to run a WHOLE MILE is if he’s being chased by a scary person. Or maybe an evil alien or something that likes to eat humans. And running that far makes me sweaty. See, after gym, I have geometry class with Carly. If I’m gonna be around Carly, I must be freshly bathed. I want to always smell my best around Carly!
 
Basketball:
I wouldn’t mind playing basketball except that my mom makes me wear a helmet! It’s so embarrassing being the only guy out on the court who’s wearing a helmet. I yell out stuff like, “I’m open! Throw me the ball!” But my teammates just yell back stuff like, “No! I’m not passing the ball to a dude wearing a helmet.” When that happens, sometimes I’ll just go sit on the bench for a few minutes and eat a banana. Yellow fruits usually make me feel better.
 
Carly:
This is completely off-subject, but how amazing is Carly? (Carly, don’t get mad at me for writing this on the iBlog page — I just have to!) I love Carly and I know that one day she will love me back (my mom says so). I don’t know what it is about Carly but I just love hanging out with her… and looking at her… and listening to her. If Carly and I got trapped in an elevator together I wouldn’t even care! Well, I guess it would be bad if it lasted like a month or something because we’d start to starve. But you know what? If Carly were starving I swear I’d let her eat my whole leg. That’s how much I care about her. There are very few people on this Earth who I’d let eat my leg, but Carly is one of them (but only if she were starving). I realize this has nothing to do with why I hate gym. But I do hate gym.

Winners from KCA 2008

Favorite TV Show: Drake and Josh

Favorite TV Actor: Drake Bell

Favorite Reality Show: American Idol

Favorite TV Actress: Miley Cyrus

Favorite Cartoon: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Favorite Movie: Alvin and the Chimpmunks

Favorite Movie Actor: Johnny Depp

Favorite Movie Actress: Jessica Alba

Favorite Animated Movie: Ratatouille

Favorite Voice From An Animated Movie: Eddie Murphy (Shrek the Third)

Favorite Music Group: The Jonas Brothers

Favorite Song: Girlfriend (Avril Lavigne)
Favorite Female Singer: Miley Cyrus

Favorite Male Singer: Chris Brown

Favorite Male Athlete: Tony Hawk

Favorite Female Athlete: Danica Patrick

Favorite Book: Harry Potter Series

Favorite Video Game: Madden NFL “08

Favorite Wannabe Award: Cameron Diaz

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